does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
