Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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