Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
