It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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