Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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