Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
