I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
