I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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