dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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