i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
