mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
