I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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