new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
So. Much. Porn.
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