I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
