in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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