She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
