You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
