yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
