Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
