I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
