He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
