dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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