I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
