Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have fence marks all over my body
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
