That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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