His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
