Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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