So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
