Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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