i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
