what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
