Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
