we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
