i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
