Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
