Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
