im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She announced her abortion via fbk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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