I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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