woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
