i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
