i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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