the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
