I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
