I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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