So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
there is glitter all over my balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
