You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
