that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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