Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
