I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
