If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
