hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
