UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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