You're my little dorito
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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