Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
