i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
