How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
