he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
