i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
