i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
