i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
