update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
