Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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