so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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